Deepening Intimacy: Tantric Practices for Women Over 50

What Is Tantra (Really)?

I’m going to be real with you, when I first heard the word Tantra, my mind went straight to the Kama Sutra, you know, that book that seemed to live on every coffee table in the 80s, like us kids weren’t around here opening it. The one with the illustrations. I literally thought Tantra was just what the Kama Sutra by another name, what did I know? I should be ashamed to admit that, it is what it is. And the Joy of Sex was laying around too, or maybe in the bookcase, but we could find it. We were a whole mess, and our parents were too. But we survived. And surviving means thriving, so I started to seek other ways to thrive.

I looked into non-traditional healing modalities because honey, after a certain age, you realize Western medicine doesn’t have all the answers. I came across a YouTube channel speaking on Tantra. And the people on screen looked like they were actually… talking. Just talking. Not demonstrating anything from anybody’s coffee table book. So I listened.

I learned that Tantra is an ancient practice that uses the mind and body to build a soulful realization of the individual, creating a stronger bond and union. With yourself, another person, and something even greater.

That’s when everything shifted for me.

Why I Really Started Looking

We’ve all heard of lesbian deathbed, or if you haven’t, let me explain it. It’s a stereotypical theory that over time, lesbians just forget about making love to each other. And to be honest, there was a moment in my past relationship when I could feel us slipping into that very bed. We were fighting more and laughing less, and I just wanted to fight for what we had. I wanted to try, but it takes two.

I didn’t want to lose her. So I went looking for something that could pull us back together.

I suggested we try eye gazing. This isn’t difficult, you simply sit facing each other, look into each other’s eyes, and just… stay there. No words. No phones. No performance. Just two people choosing to really see each other. A great way to begin our lesbian tantric experience.

She agreed. Or at least she said she did.

But she couldn’t do it. Kept laughing it off, looking away, making it a joke. And in that moment, sitting across from someone who couldn’t hold my gaze for sixty seconds, I should have known, maybe I did…turns out. There was no saving us.

But here’s what I also knew: the practice itself was real. The possibility of what it could create between two people who were both willing? That was real, too.

So I kept going. Solo this time. I started following Devi Ward Erickson’s YouTube channel; she’s one of the leading voices in authentic, lineage-based Tantra, and I started doing the exercises on my own. They helped me. Helped me get quiet. Helped me get present. Helped me reconnect with myself when I was grieving the loss of an us.

I got so into it, I actually enrolled to become a certified Tantric instructor through IATE , the Institute of Authentic Tantra Education. Life and finances had other plans. But what I learned before I had to step away stayed with me.

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Why Tantra Is Perfect for Queer Women Over 50

Here’s something the wellness world doesn’t advertise loudly enough.

Tantra is one of the most naturally queer-affirming spiritual practices in existence.

Most Western spiritual traditions were built around heterosexual, patriarchal structures. They assume roles. They assume bodies. They assume a very specific kind of relationship dynamic that many of us have never fit into and never wanted to.

Tantra doesn’t do that.

At its core, Tantra works with energy… not gender. It honors both masculine and feminine energy as forces that exist within every person, regardless of who they love or how they identify. There’s no assumed role, no assumption about who leads and who follows. You bring yourself fully , your whole self and the practice meets you there.

For queer women over 50, this is revolutionary. We spent decades navigating spiritual and social spaces that asked us to shrink, conform, or explain ourselves. Tantra asks only one thing: show up present.

And presence? That we know how to do. We’ve been practicing that our whole lives just to survive.

There’s also something specifically powerful about Tantra for women over 50. Our culture spends a lot of energy telling us that our most vital, desirable, connected years are behind us. Tantra says the opposite. It recognizes that the wisdom that comes with age, the shedding of what no longer serves us, the hard-won knowledge of who we actually are, all of that makes us more capable of deep connection, not less.

We are not past our prime. We are in it.

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What Intimacy Actually Means (It’s Not Just Sex)

And since we’re dismissing fallacies, let’s talk about intimacy too, because that word gets flattened just as much as Tantra does.

Most people hear “intimacy” and immediately think sex. But intimacy exists on several levels, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and yes, physical. You can be sexually active with someone and have zero real intimacy. And you can experience profound intimacy with someone you’ve never touched.

Tantra understands this. It was built on this.

Real intimacy is about being fully seen and fully present with another person. It’s about letting someone all the way in. Not just into your body but into your thoughts, your fears, your truth. Like Anita sang, Mind, Body and Soul.

Think about the word itself. To be intimate is to be into your mate. Fully tuned in. Deeply focused on the person in front of you. Their breath. Their energy. Their presence.

That’s what Tantra trains you to do. Not just in the bedroom but in every moment you share with another person.

And at 50, we actually have more energy for intimacy than we do for all that other stuff we used to do. Don’t get me wrong, now, we can still get the job done. And we can get the job done…Well, I might add. But at this age, taking it slow and really getting to know someone matters so much more than rushing to the physical.

That’s where Tantra becomes genuinely useful. It can deepen what you already have with a partner or help you discover whether someone is even a good fit before you go there physically. Think about it. If she can’t sit across from you and hold your gaze for two minutes, that tells you something. If she can’t breathe with you or be still with you, that tells you something, too.

Tantra gives you a way to know before you go. And let’s be real, if you’re over 50 and not in a relationship, you are not trying to go through all of that. The healing, the heartbreak, the rebuilding. You want to know who you’re dealing with first. Tantra can help you figure that out.

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Tantra Misconceptions

I’ll start with my own.

When I first started learning about Tantra, I honestly thought you had to meditate for hours before anything interesting happened. And back then? I was ready to get to it if you know what I mean. Patience was not my spiritual gift.

I also thought it might be too much for your average girl from Chicago’s south side. Like, where was I going to find somebody, a woman or a man for that matter, who was going to want to Tantra with me? I figured you had to be deep. Spiritual. Wearing linen. Burning things. I was none of those things.

But those are actually some of the most common misconceptions about Tantra, and they keep a lot of people from ever trying it.

You don’t have to meditate for hours. Tantra can be incorporated into your life through simple, manageable practices. Five minutes of heart centering before bed counts. Ten minutes of synchronized breathing counts. You start where you are.

You don’t have to be spiritual. You need curiosity and a willingness to be present. That’s the entire entry requirement.

It’s not only about sex. This is the big one. Yes, Tantra includes sacred sexuality but that’s one thread in a much larger tapestry. It’s a complete system that includes breathwork, meditation, mantra, ritual, and philosophy.

It’s not only for heterosexual couples. Tantra works with energy, not gender. It was built for everybody.

You don’t even need a partner. Some of the most transformative Tantric practices are solo. You cannot truly connect with another person if you are disconnected from yourself and Tantra teaches you to come home to yourself first.

What I discovered after moving past all of those assumptions is that Tantra creates a mindful connection to your own body and to others. It helps you become more of your authentic self. It can rekindle passion in a relationship that has gone quiet. It gives you permission to explore your desires in a safe, conscious way. And it deepens intimacy on every level — not just the physical.

That’s a lot of power in a practice most people dismissed because of a book on somebody’s coffee table.

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4 Tantric Practices to Try Tonight

For Couples:

1. Eye Gazing Sit facing your partner, close enough that your knees are almost touching. Set a timer for five minutes. Look into each other’s left eye just one, it helps the brain settle. No talking. No laughing it off. Just stay. What comes up, emotion, discomfort, love, grief, let it. That’s the practice working. This is the one I tried with my ex. She couldn’t hold it. The right person will.

2. Synchronized Breathing Sit back-to-back with your partner, spines touching. Close your eyes and begin breathing together, inhale for four counts, exhale for four counts. Feel the other person’s breath move through your back. Do this for ten minutes. There is something profound about two bodies learning to breathe as one. Couples who can do this can weather almost anything.

Solo Practices:

3. Heart Centering Meditation Place one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly and intentionally into both places until you feel yourself settle. This is actually what Devi herself recommends, and there’s a reason she opens with it every time. Five minutes of this before you start your day changes your entire relationship with yourself. I did this every morning after my breakup. It was one of the things that brought me back.

4. Body Scanning Lie flat on your back in a quiet space. Close your eyes. Starting at the crown of your head, slowly move your awareness down through your body, your forehead, your jaw, your throat, your chest, your belly, your hips, your thighs, your calves, your feet. At each place, pause. Notice without judgment. Is there tension? Warmth? Numbness? Just observe.

This practice teaches you to inhabit your own body fully, something many of us, especially those who have experienced heartbreak, loss, or years of navigating a world that wasn’t built for us, have learned to avoid. Body scanning brings you home to yourself. It is quiet. It is gentle. And it is one of the most radical acts of self-reclamation I know.

Do it for fifteen minutes before sleep and watch what shifts.

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A Word About Timing

Now I’m not saying break out the eye gazing on the first date. I know we come from the U-Haul generation, but let’s use some sense. If you’ve been seeing someone consistently for 90 days, though, it might be time to have the conversation.

Actually, even before that, be upfront from the beginning. Let them know Tantra interests you. Tell them why. Share a video. Plant the seed early so it doesn’t come out of nowhere three months in. If they’re curious, they’ll ask. If they’re not — well, now you know something important about your compatibility before anybody catches feelings.

Personally? I’m being completely transparent about this with the next person I see more than three times in a row. Because if they aren’t open to it. I’m friend-zoning their ass. I said what I said.

Because I’m about that Tantra life. Meditation period. It has been a lifesaver not just for relationships but for me as an individual. For my peace. For my presence. For my ability to show up fully in every area of my life.

And that’s really what this is all about.

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Want to Learn More? Meet Tantra Talks.

If this article lit something up in you… good. That’s the practice working already.

Now go deeper.

Devi Ward Erickson, the teacher whose YouTube channel I stumbled onto in my darkest post-breakup season, has just launched something that I genuinely wish had existed when I first started this journey. It’s called Tantra Talks, and it’s a free podcast with her and Dr. Erickson dropping every Thursday on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, and iHeart Radio.

These are not casual conversations. Devi and Dr. Erickson bring nearly two decades of authentic, lineage-based Tantra practice to every episode. They cover Traditional Tantra, Classical Tantra, and Neo Tantra, real answers to real questions from people who have been living and teaching this work for years. They’re also joined regularly by their special guest, Resident Lama and Spiritual Director of IATE, Lama Tashi Dundrup, who brings the Dharma into the conversation in a way that is accessible, grounding, and genuinely moving.

New episodes drop every Thursday at noon Pacific on all platforms. Three months of content already locked and loaded — so you can binge or take it one episode at a time.

Find Tantra Talks on:

• YouTube
• Spotify
• iTunes
• iHeart Radio

Listen to Tantra Talks with Devi and Dr. Erickson here and subscribe so you never miss an episode.

This is the real thing. From real practitioners. And you deserve the real thing.

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Secure the Bag: Tools to Support Your Practice

If you’re building this practice at home like I did, here are a few things that actually helped me stay consistent.

Create Your Space: Your body deserves support while your mind does the work. A quality meditation cushion makes a real difference when you’re sitting in stillness for extended periods. Shop the Gaiam Zafu Meditation Cushion on Amazon →

Set the Atmosphere: Scent is one of the fastest ways to signal to your nervous system that it’s time to slow down and be present. Our own Goss Gloss & Lights massage candles are made for exactly this kind of intentional sensory experience: clean-burning, botanical, and created with intention. Shop Goss Gloss & Lights →Order: Goss Gloss & Lights

Go Deeper:

The most queer-inclusive Tantra book available, written for every gender, every orientation, every body. Barbara Carrellas is the real deal: Shop Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century →

For couples ready to move from emotional reactivity into real feeling and real connection: Shop Tantric Love: Feeling vs Emotion by Diana Richardson →

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Be honest with me…
Have you ever felt intimacy slipping in a relationship, even when the love was still there?

Have you tried any Tantric practices? Did they help you reconnect with a partner or with yourself? Are you about that Tantra life, or are you still on the fence? Tell us in the comments.

This is exactly the kind of conversation La Vida Loca was made for. Give up the tea!

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SEO Title: Tantric Practices for Lesbians Over 50: A Guide to Deeper Intimacy

Meta Description: Discover how Tantra can deepen intimacy and connection for queer women over 50. Real practices, honest talk, and why I almost became a certified Tantric instructor.

Category: Intimacy

Tags: tantra, lesbian intimacy, queer women over 50, tantric practices, meditation, intimacy over 50, lesbian relationships, rekindling passion, lesbian deathbed, lesbians over 40,

For more resources on Tantra, check out the links below

Certified Tantra Practitioners:

Resources for Lesbians wanting to explore Tantra.

Tantra Mastery on TantraNova Reach Tantra Nova here

Tantra: The Art of Sacred Sexuality on Udemy. Check out Udemy here.

Awakening Bliss: The Art of Conscious Loving. Check it out here: Art of Conscious Loving

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